An anonymous source with close ties to North Korea’s secretive government revealed today that Kim Jong-un’s lofty ambitions include more than than just irritating western powers with blusterous bravado and threats of war. Kim Jong-un, according to our source, learned about Nibiru several years ago. Since then, he has become obsessed not only with solving the Nibiru equation but also with finding a means 
to save his people from the dark star and its seven orbiting planets–which Nibiru enthusiasts fear will ravage planet Earth sometime in 2017. That desire cemented Kim Jong-un’s resolve to accelerate his country’s nuclear weapons program; thunderous threats to the contrary, Kim Jong-un has no desire to provoke the west or launch a devastating nuclear strike against the United States. That is all a well-crafted smokescreen concealing the primary reason North Korea opted to enter the nuclear arena: It wants to nuke Nibiru.
“Despite having a fledgling space program of its own,” our source said, “North Korea is ill equipped to locate Nibiru. In fact, Kim Jong-un didn’t even know about Nibiru until his agents learned about it through the internet. It’s really quite funny, in a tragic way.”
His agents had not hacked an impenetrable pentagon computer. They did not clandestinely siphon the information from 10 Downing Street. Nor did they steal information from the very walls of the Kremlin. It seems that all of Kim Jong-un’s original information was obtained via a publicly accessible, popular internet conspiracy forum known as godlikeproductons.com.
Digging deeper, our source discovered that the paranoid dictator maintained a team of twenty cyber agents, who prowled internet forums in hopes of ferreting out rumors that might belittle or shame Kim Jong-un, and tried to squash posts and threads assassinating his good character.
“When they started seeing posts about Nibiru they became concerned, very concerned. And they promptly collected all posts about Nibiru 
and delivered them directly to Kim Jong-un. Based on the sheer number of posts, he became convinced Nibiru is real and began devising a plan to save his people from certain doom. But that is not his only reason,” our source said. “Kim Jong-un is tired of being shamed and outmanoueverd by the United States. He wants the limelight. He wants to save the the world from Nibiru before Obama, our Putin, or whoever else does. He wants the glory.”
Believing that the United States and Russia were close to solving the Nibiru Problem, Kim Jong-un sought help from his scientific advisers at the Korean Committee of Space Technology, that country’s space program. He tasked them with finding a solution before the United States or Russia could beat him to the finish line. When his technical team failed to find a timely solution, Kim Jong-un decided that a massive nuclear strike against the Nibiru system might alter its orbit just enough to save the Earth.
“He convinced himself of it,” our source said. “He sold himself on the nuclear option, and this deepening madness drove him to accelerate his country’s nuclear ambitions. When Nibiru gets close, he plans to launch a barrage of nuclear missiles at Nibiru. How close is that? No one knows but him. But there is a bigger problem.”
Washington and Moscow have discovered Kim Jong-un’s enterprising yet foolhardy plan to save the Earth and urged him to not act against Nibiru. Washington, our source revealed, threatened a retaliatory strike if satellites detected any launch warnings from the Korean Peninsula, even if telemetry data indicated the weapons were aimed at deep space.
A Washington insider speaking under conditions of anonymity provided a likely motive for Washington’s threat. “North Korea’s nuclear 
weapons program is largely untested and has already been deemed a failed effort by most nuclear capable nations. Its weapons explode on launch pads or fail to detonate. Instead of applauding this failure, other nations are now deeply troubled. They fear that if North Korea launches against Nibiru, the weapon might simply topple out of the sky and strike Japan. Washington, obviously, cannot allow this to happen.”
A sense of nervousness currently looms over Pyongyang for an entirely different reason. According to usually reliable sources, twenty-six of North Korea’s brightest minds, scientists and academics, formed a committee to convince Kim Jong-un that Nibiru is nothing more than an elaborate hoax designed to illicit fear from paranoid and frightened people. The entire delegation was taken outside and executed by a firing squad for treason and refuting irrefutable evidence on Nibiru’s existence. The dead include some of North Korea’s most noteworthy scholars: Lei Ying Kim, Tai Ni Kim, Nah Pah Lei, Kum Hiau Lei, and many others.
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